I just don’t want to

both of my daughters are born in january. so is my adult stepdaughter. and my brother. my godson. my grandmother too. so lots of celebrating in one month. when my daughters were kids, there were family birthday parties (since almost all relatives lived far away, not all came, and who did, separated weekends) and both had friends’ parties too. so, every weekend in january, and sometimes even in february, we partied. all that after christmas and new year. so no wonder, I nowadays kind of resist running any party. and when have to, I try to survive through them as simply as possible.

tomorrow we are celebrating my younger daughter’s graduation, which is great! she is even asked to give a graduation speech (don’t tell I told, it’s a surprise). now there is two adult girls to run a party with, especially firstborn likes to plan with me, that’s nice, yet I can’t help noticing this inner resistance again.

these days I can quite freely go with a flow, well toddlerflow. however I also feel there are many things I should do, but I don’t want to. projects I postpone over and over again (years after years!). like going through thousands, tens of thousands of photos of my children. or, I created a new email address, mostly because my old is so full of all kind of posts, I simply have no interest to go through them all, can not carelessly trash all either. there are so many things I just never want to do, but I want the result doing them would bring.

same with these parties. I actually love seeing family and friends. celebrating is good. yet, I push planning till the last of the days. I go to the market, pick some and then “well, there’s tomorrow”. I would liked some different baked goods this time, yet as I did not try them beforehand, I bake what I know.

I am a last minute’s woman, that suites me well, and I do work better that way. but it also annoys me, that if I don’t have deadlines, like a graduation day, I just won’t do it. like those photos. I think the real reason of it is, that I am so very indecisive person. I used to be a lot more, still there is a great deal left. I meander. just can not decide, and it is very agonising. quite funny though, that our home is opposite, very few items around, or even in storage. I just give all away.

so what to do?

how about:

▪️create an album to put every special photo, the day they are taken. yep, there will be many, still it’s easier to go through 1000 special ones from all.

▪️go through your email at least once a week and delete all that is not worth to save. folders!

▪️do not give your email address to every cause. choose.

▪️every week/month bake/cook something new you want to learn. well, that is not the problem. write down on your phone a shopping list of great stuff you wanna try. DO NOT google in market, when you are hungry and tired. when toddler is…

▪️ONE at the time. DO NOT save all those dozens of interesting recipes per day!

▪️stop saying: tomorrow, unless you truly can not do it today. if so, choose the day, deadlines.

▪️you’re actually not that tired, just lazy. and self-indulgent.

▪️enjoy

okay then, all that would make things easier. but let’s be honest here: someday I will hire someone to do the list (and the parties. maybe cooking too. cleaning.) and that will be the day I enjoy doing them.

so. tens of thousands of photos on my hard disk. anyone?

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